Yeah, here's another.. dreadful post.
I kept on posting eMo thoughts.
This prolly,is one of the most.. PAINFUL things i've been through.
I hope this will be my last.
Starting tomorrow. i'll be different.
*Sigh*
I tried my best to love you.
To show you.. I'm diffrent than her.
That i'm the one, you should love.
But those 10 months. yeah. I still feel it was..
nothing. I was.. A Failure.
Yeah, they were precious. but,
I Didn't reach my goal, I failed.again.
I Always fail.
People would take something away from me..
until i've got nothin left.
Then, I'll face another day. Alone.
With No One.
I'll start all over again..
then, what? face the same shit again?
be on the same path?
Love for me was.. i Dont know, suckish?
When i was in gr. 7.. "Anton" loved me..
yeah, i was happy.. nging kme.
But in the end, i found out he loved me just for the fact..
na he wanted to make my bestfriend jelly..
for him to know if she loves him.
sucks, ryt?
haha. i hope my life doesnt spin like this forever.
I mean.. No, I wont let that Happen.
..hay.. I tried to understand them, I'am trying to understand them.
especially now.
Yeah, I cant bear the pain right now.
I'm so shattered. broken. lifeless.
but i wont let them see the real pain i have right now.
Cause if I do. Life would be, messy.. throughout the day.
And i dont want that to happen.
You see? this is why it's so hard to trust people..
even your bestfriend. even your boyfriend.
Sometimes, you don't even know.. or expect that..
they can be the reason of ur sadness, or why u dont trust people.
Because of this. especially,
Because of wat happened to me right now..
This is reality, but nothing seems to be real anymore.
Even us. We're not real to ourselves anymore.
We're full of lies. We even betray the people we love.
Now tell me, In situations like this.. I kow i'm not the only one.
Do you think you can trust people that easy? huh?
HAHA. i dont think so.
Yeah, maybe he didnt want this.
But i tried to warn him. haha, yeah. but he never listened to me.
Look what happened now?
he's there, happy in her arms.
Happy being with her.
Now, where are all those FUCKIN PROMISES you made?
..the wind took it away. You!! took it away.
This is why its so hard to trust and its so hard to Believe.
Especially in Promises.
There are some things, that happens unexpectedly..
Things you dont want to happen. but, you've got nothin to do.
It happend Already.
That's what i wanted to tell him.
To show him.
But all he ever focused on was.. The feeling of me, not trusting him.
his attention was.. always.. me. being negative. me, not being able to TRUST him.
why did i entrusted you my heart in the first place if i dont trust you?
Dude, Im not stupid.
but with what you've done to me right now.. I feel so stupid.
Who ever said i tried to push you from her? i wouldn't feel jelly if im pushing you to her.
You sound so.. Unreasonable.
Aghh.
I dont know, things are getting worse everyday..
I feel so shitty. Betrayed. lost. mad?
hah.
But with all these negative feelings.. I know it would lead me to nowhere.
right?.. hay
Things are said and done.
And I've got nothin to do..
I cant be mad at them, although i feel like i am.
But, i just cant.
I love them both.. soo much.
Kht na.. sobrang skit na ng nararmdamn qu.
I'm trying my best.. to understand this thing.
I feel so stupid right now.
So stupid to go through this.
or so stupid to enter in a relationship.
If in the end, he would fall in love with the person whom i've been feeling jelly with.
and the person you loved in the first place.
it hurts.. pra kang.. niloko na ewan.
Na prng.. You feel, You were never good enough for him.
I mean, duh. bqt sknea ka tumatakbo pag nagkakaproblema tau?
ha? prang siya girlfriend mo.
Bqt ndi skin? You're not brave enough. to tell me what you feel.
as for me,
I dont really know..
I should just sit down, and wait for the universe to unfold as it should.
+ KILL ME +
+ YOU BETRAYED ME+