StellarlovesYOU,silly.
Ramona&Scott.

OdieisLOVE.
Zelle.
College, Nursing.
Musically Retarded.
BookFreak.
8teen.

July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
April 2008
May 2008
October 2008
March 2009
October 2009
November 2010

Design: doughnutcrazy
Image: sxc.hu
Brushes: masterjinn
Stocks: I II III

*So cut my wrists and black my eyes*

psshaw. I uber miss everyone right now..
We don't have classes today, so yeah. that was suckish.
atleast i wasn't bored or anythin. x)
Uh, well.. Today, we were suppose to have our band practice.
But.. I was goin to go somewhere and i forgot to remind my band members
about the practice so.. haha. laawl.
I wasted another day. Tpos, We're gonna go to baguio na this thursday..
We'll be back on sunday. so.. POOR BAND. xD
by next week.. its our Battle Of The Bands na. So WOW. haha.
Haven't got any decent rehearsal. grrawr, could this get any worse?
Im off with barely a sigh.
The good thing though is that.. On our Family day..
I'll get to meet my old batchmates! twee. I'm so tensed and excited. xD
Soooo lookin forward to it! It's like a reunion.

Haha, i got the chance to talk to an old friend of mine..
and wow, i got a lot of.. nice compliments, i shall say.
She said.. That i've changed. laawl. BIG TIME change.
She even told me na, if she was a guy.. She would've court me na.
how weird could that be? huh? x)
She also mentioned, that there were rumors na..
I'm one of the hearthrob na sa school. uber popular daw aqu.
mabenta daw. x) yeahhh royt. like thats gonna happen. *dream on*
haha. I feel flattered though. I've always wanted to.. hear impressions,
i meant.. uh, compliments? from friends. Compliments loyk that.
haha.
It's funny coz, in school. My friends would call me "Princess Jizelle"
which i find, annoying sometimes.
They would call me.. uh, "Maharlika"..
Although, they said na. i'm the type of girl na.. "marami daw na lalaki, papalit palit daw"
haha. WTF, royt? xD
I'm not like that. Loyal aqu nuh. xD

Enough of those.. stupid brags. jk.
I went to robinsons today.. and watched happy feet!
haha. I love the idea of the story.
Penguins are UBER cute! especially MUMBLE! xD
taaaawwww! *hugs*
cuddly! little! cute! penguins!
hahaha. I wish, they were like.. PETS. hahaha.
Wonder how they'll survive? xD

So.. Yeah. Thats about it..
I hate being the vocalist of the band. i mean, i love to sing..
but, paos ako so.. YEAH. XD
bumer!
adios.

-You know I'll be fine on my own, I never said dont go.
+ If only i can tell you how much i love you. and miss you.. +

Kung Ayaw Mo Na Sa Akin

Sugarfree

Kung ayaw mo na sa akin

Di na kita pipilitin

Kung buo na ang loob mo

Bahala ka na sa buhay mo

At di ako desperado

Sa walang kapantay na pag-ibig mo

Sa mga halik mong walang kasing tamis

Tubig ako at ikaw ay langis

Kung hindi ka na babalik

Araw-araw na akong gigimik

Kung malayo ka na

Ay malaya na ako

Ngunit ang kahapon ko

Ay bihag pa rin ng alaala mo

Kung ayaw mo na sa akin

Di na kita hahabulin

Medyo bata pa naman ako

May mabibighani pa sa akin siguro

Kung ayaw mo na ako

Leche, lalong ayoko sa ‘yo

Alam mo naman kung saan ang bahay ko

Baka sakaling magbago ang isip mo please

Kung hindi ka na babalik

Araw-araw na akong gigimik

Kung malayo ka na

Ay malaya na ako

Ngunit ang kahapon ko

Ay bihag pa rin ng alaala mo

Lalalalalala...

Lalalalalala...

Ooh la...

Ooh la...

Lalalalalala...

Lalalalalala...

Kung hindi ka na babalik

Araw-araw na akong gigimik

Kung malayo ka na

Ay malaya na ako

Ngunit ang kahapon ko

Ay bihag pa rin ng alaala mo

Ng alaala mo...

loff this song. soo much.

*Too Little, Too late*

Yesterday School was okay.. i had a great time.
although, i have my period today. agh.
so my.. uh.. was painful.
How come boys only have to suffer in one pain?
i mean, they get circumcise ONCE.
unlike us, we get to experience pain monthly
and we'd get pregnant one day. laaawl. this sucks.

So, yesterday.. ngpalit na kme ng clubs.
My club was "Young Writers Club" but, they made it as a co-curricular na club.
So, i belong to The Cooking Club na..
Together with rob,migz,thea,meg,shamir etc..
err. We didn't have our scouting..
laawl.
kse we had our practice sa YMCA..
then after that.. We had our band practice.
Umalis kme, nila.. Chi,Jem,Rohan,Leyvs..
Im teh only gurl derr.
It was fun, i had a great time..
natatawa aqu kei chi and leyvs..
Si leyvs he would always say na.. "OKay lng yan.. mayaman naman ako"
then, tinapon pa nga nea yung money nea e.
laaawl. bad tlg eun..
So, we went to libertad first.. coz we have to go to rohan's house.
Well, his house was.. yeah. Messy. xD
nagplit lng ng dmit si rohan.. then umalis nren kme..
Coz we have to practice na.
So we went to Plaza Fair.. and had our band practice.
It was fun.. haha. la kme nabuo.. ampff.
oh well, i went home with jem. = )
twee. so yeah.. thats about it.

-i wiLL wait for you-

bloody napkins, stained underwears and pelvic pain. i'd rather get circumcise.

pshaw. hmm.. well, for the past few days..
Life for me has been O..K..A..Y.
laawl. yeah..
I've had the feeling of, being inlove once again.
but yeah, i try to stop myself.
I dont wanna be attach to someone right now.
To the thing my ex has done to me, it's too painful for me to believe that fast in love again.
For me, love is too complicated and shitty rooyt now.
I'm still in the healing process. Although yeah, I'd always see them together..
happy.
hehe. laawl. sometimes, it hurts. haha. yeah it does.
but yeah, hayaan mo na sla.. mgsama keu ni king kong. xD
tutal mtgl mu na yan na pinapangarap. omg.
haha.

Hm, I'm happy.. coz atleast i can make my friends happy.. and myself as well.
I'd always joke around, tease 'em, make fun of them xD taaaw. teh funess.
People would tell me na, ang kalog ko. ang kulit qu.. well, i guess im back to teh old jizzeh.
nd yeah, i'm happy to hear that.
every moment makes me want to play and have fun with my friends and laugh wiv them to death.
i want to hug 'em tight nd kish them. tweeness.
i lurve my friends. = )
So, uhm.. atlast.. our band is gonna have a practice na. ble bukas. after school.
and next week.. I'll be going to baguio.
YMCA na nmen! twee! I'm so happy. tweeehehehe.
dme gagawin. xD
soooo furn.
cge guys.. bye na. loff you all.

-_ i'll wait for you. You know who you are._-

*pshaw, glit ata skin yung bola.*

I just wanna clear things out muna.
Actually... the Jake and Me issue thing has become..
something na.. People would always talk about. parang Teleserye.
ampf.
gusto ko xnang sbhin na..
NEVER kong tinawag c nika na.. BF stealer. NEVER.
kaya kung ano man pinagkakalat neu..
pwede ba.. xana lng tigilan neu na..
di nmn sa naapektuhan ako..
pero, naasar ako dhil pangalan ko at reputasyon ko yung nccra.
Kung pwede lng pls.. wla nmn keung mapapala kse kung ipagpapatuloy neu pa yan.
and besides, tapos na yung issue na yun. PWEDE IBA NMN?
nakakasawa na kse e.
I mean, halos lahat.. pinamukha skin. AKO mali.
AKO may kasalanan.
okay, fine.. ako na MALI.
lgi nmn e..
pero.. pls. pwede TAMA NA?
nakuha neu na gusto neu.
tapos na.
OO alam ko na.
kaya pwede tama na?

hay..
fucking shit.

Hear Me Cry
by Hikaru Utada

album:

You couldn't say
Needed someone new
You actually thought
Deep inside I knew

Can you tell me how can you say
Why this should suffice
You passed me by
And your heart's as cold as ice
(You passed me by)

Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself why)
Did you see me cry
(Did you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Did you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You couldn't say
Needed someone new
And you actually thought
Deep inside I knew

I wonder where we will go
Will we be the same
(You passed me by)
I laugh inside I think of you
And the love we made
(You passed me by)

Tell me why this should suffice
I hold you through the night
Now will I let it go
Soon I'll let it go

Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself why)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself how)
Can you hear me cry
(Will you ask yourself)
Will we ever grow apart

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you
(You passed me by)
You, I'll stand by your side
Please just do me right
(You passed me by)

You, I'll stand by your side
I'll be there for you.

{ royyt. lurve this song. }

Love and Insanity

What is Insanity?

I took the effort of trying to find a dictionary inside my drawer. Unfortunately, there was none. I couldn't define insanity for you then. Oh no, I can't, but I can set an example. I know that there is no dictionary inside my drawer but still I expected to find one. That's an example of insanity in its simplest form.

Love and Insanity
I came to realize that these two words are somewhat synonymous. This is manifested by the countless stories of experiences documented by different individuals. Love life with a plot a la telenovela, with a complete casting from supporting actors to the usual protagonists, peers, parents or classmates to name a few. What do I see? I see insanity in a broad daylight. Love life recycled from one generation to the next. Insanity inherited by yet another group of people in the same environment at a different time. I find it insane considering that our way of life has indeed made a giant leap into what we call the future and yet the same old pains, troubles or problems haunt people's love life.

Define Love. Love is this. Love is that. Love is here. Love is there. There isn't a consistent definition for love. Worst is, one definition conflicts with the other. No, conflict is an understatement, contradict would have been better. In binary, a "1" is never a "0" and vice versa. Treating one as the other is insanity. Love bringing either happiness or sorrow, or sometimes both, is insanity. Does insanity define love? Or, is insanity love, in a negative form?

Let us get back to my previous example. That is an analogy illustrating insanity. Now, let's take love. We know that our love will get to nowhere but we take the risk of gambling with love. The result is we get hurt. And that is insanity. Foreseeing darkness ahead but still taking the courage to step into the dark. The result is disaster. In real life, it's like you know he's married but what the hell. And that is love. You can feel he cares for somebody but still you convince yourself that he loves you, because you love him. And again, that is love. And what about this latest crap? When you love someone you gave that someone the opportunity to hurt you. Isn't that insanity to the max or just plain masochism?

Do I speak justly then when I say that those who love are insane? Would you still love?

I assume that answers to both questions are unanimously "yes". And again, that clearly manifests insanity.

We are used to saying the phase "falling in love" to mean "being in love"? Isn't it "to fall" connotes a negative meaning? Isn't it insanity then that we allow ourselves to "fall" in love? But wait, others say "high with love" to mean addicted with love. Just the same, and addiction is even worse. To let our selves get "high" with love is again an act of insanity. To fall is to go down contradicting the word high. With these two contradicting results associated with love, setting love in front of a well-polished mirror, love vividly reflects insanity.

But despite this shocking analogy, I would still say, "If to love is to be insane, please, take all my sanity away". It is with pride that I'll shout to the world, "Call me insane because I am in love!"

*So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on
your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on
your own

If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go*

aw. Haven't updated for the past few days..
nov. 14.. ^Nika's Birthday^
yeah.. it was a good day.
So, hmmm.. we've been a bit busy for the past few days..
We have to make it for the Battle of the Bands this coming Family Day on Dec. 9..
We haven't practice. We dont know what song to play. We dont have instruments. wtf?
grrawr.
So the band members are:

Rohan- drummer
Vincent-Lead Guitar
Kristine-Bass Guitar
Eman-..guitar.. xD
Me-Vocalist

pshaw. All the bands has to play "Jingle Bells" first..
then the other song, will be our free will to choose.
hmm, we also have to finish our parol.. For the Parol Making Contest.
We have to start all over again. suckish,ei?
tell meh about it..
...I feel so confuse right now...
I wonder if.. What i'm trying to do right now is right.
A part of me.. feels it's right, but.. yeah.. It's wrong. So wrong.
psshaw. nvm..
uh, We had our play day yesterday..
So, we went to JMD.. and attended our Biology class there..
IT WAS UBER FUN. cause we had to disect a frog!
haha.. poor froggies. but yeah, it was fun! xD haha.
after that..
We played Volleyball.. while it was raining.
WEEE. taaw. it was fun..
uber.
Then, i saw my old classmates.
especially my beshie, shara.
It felt good. So good to see them again.
I miss them soo much. *hugs self*
It was uber tiring though..
after that, we went back to JASMS and slept in the classroom.
it was hot, cause we weren't allowed to use the aircon.. psshaw.
still, it was a great day for me.

hmm.. I feel so guilty though..
for blowing my friends off.
they think kse na.. I wont miss them.
Actually, i do. Soo much.
you don't know how much i will misshu ol guys..
but yeah..
I hope you won't get mad at me guys..
if i DID.. transfer to JMD.
At the moment.. I'm sure i want to transfer..
but, we'll just hafta wait and see.. what happens to the next months..
Really, sorry though.
Aiton, pls.. Forgive me..
Sorry if i have to leave.
and to the rest of you guys..
Sorry..too.
Don't worry.. there are like.. 4 months left.
for me to.. decide.. and.. wait what happens next.

oh well.. bye then.
mwaah.
luv you ol. *hugs*

*I keep thinking.. Isnt it sucky when your best friend, the person you're suposed to trust more than anyone in the world, your kindred soul and spirit.. Isnt it sucky if and when you cant trust them anymore? When you've drifted away from them, or vice versa? Or if you feel that they have betrayed you, and in doing so, lost your trust? That is a very sucky feeling. And a very sucky situation. And its very sad that a whole lotta people have experienced that. Where has all the trust gone in the world? Everyone is guilty of betraying someone at one time or another, of backstabbing their so-called "friends". Some do it on purpose, and some do it unknowingly. But all the same, its a breach of trust.* -Carlei.

whoa. this is.. oh so true, all the thoughts..
and confusion in my mind. It's.. already there.
Said and done in what carla said.
Yeah, i wonder.. Why do people find it hard on being.
Faithful? I mean, i dont.
Maybe i did.. But.. I had escape from that prison.
I had escape from that "torture" chamber.
The reason, why i remained faithful, even though..
there are a lot of guys out there, who are courting me..
and has this.. 50/50 of chances.
whom, i've been talkin to for how many hours.. and helped me throughout the day.
but, yeah.. It never crossed to my mind that in a split segundo..
I like and love that person already.. even though they understand me, more than he does.
I wonder.. why. haha.
But yeah.. I shouldn't find reasons.
All i know, is that.. I love him thats why i was loyal and faithful to him.
Some say it was my fault.. some say it wasn't.
i dont know, but.. The feeling of, me being jelly was right namn e..
i mean, look what happened now? I was right the whole time.
I NEVER DID PUSH him to her..
he's so stupid.. and. too blind to see the thing i wanted to point out.
Yeah, maybe it wasn't my responsibilty.. It was his.
and he haven't prove to me na.. I was diffrent than her..
and na.. He does love me..
Coz if he does love me that much.. he wouldn't be FUCKING confuse..
...hay
I know, how it feels.. to love someone, then one day..
You'll wake up and realize, everything falls apart because he's inlove with someone else.
Talk about me being too emo.. but, this is what things are right now.
All, the negative stuffs.. are comin out.. one by one.
and it's making me weak..
But, no.. Don't worry.. I wont give up.
I know in situations like this.. It would make me strong.
Everything has a reason.
Everything that happens has a reason.

So yeah, dont do on to others if you dont want others to do it on to you too.
..Cause i know, how it feels. and i dont want them to feel the pain i'm going through
right now. I Dont want them to be sad.. or feel hurt just because of the one they love.
He loves you, and you love him. so why hurt him/her?
haha. well ,that remains a mystery.
But.. Love.. will never have its complete meaning.. without the UPS and the DOWN.
like the roller coaster.. you will never call it a roller coaster if it doesnt go UP and DOWN.. ryt?

I hope.. Who ever is reading this..
You wont TRY to HURT the one YOU LOVE.
You wont make promises that.. WOULD MAKE THE ONE YOU LOVE.. wait and believe.
Do it, Prove it.. Dont just SAY it.
I hope..
You wont BETRAY the person you love.
Remain FAITHFUL. LOYAL and JUST to the person you love.
BE HONEST. don't lie.
Dont be scared to tell the truth because of the fact that it might hurt him or her.
It's not a good reason..
NEVER was.
Its a feeling of.. PITY not LOVE.

so yeah..
here ends my.. worries and confusion.
bye.

yey! new skin! haha. "Im Gonna Make Somebody Love Me"
wooo. love that line from Franz Ferdinand's "Do You Want To" single.

tweeness. hmm. well, yesterday.. I was so layzeh to post sumffin.
so hmm. yesterday.. I went to school { saturday } coz, it was our lantern makin..
haha. it was fun, i had a great time with friends.
almost all teh 3rd year students were there.
so we stayed there up to 12pm.
short time, ei?
hehe. but it was furn. lol.
so i went home wiv..
Bro, Lei, Carla, Shamir, Mickeh, Tilo and rob.
hehe. it was uber fun too.
then after that, carla went to our house..
and ATE A LOT OF CHOCOLATES. { fyi. carla ate a lot, not mee }
haha. xD "food trip" ooohh candeh!! *golem*
bWAhaha. *sugar rush*

then.. uh.. today.. {sunday}
I went to intramuros..
and ate at.. Villa Escudero.
then i went to HP.
hhhmm..
People.. are now forcing me not to transfer school.
but yeah, nothing can stop me now..
I'm gonna talk to T. Bem... maybe tomorrow.
so yeah, this is my last year in JASMS. = )

and I'm happy kse lilipat na ako..
they'll be happy too, right?
you'll be happy too, right?
I'm sorry if i have to leave.
It's just that.. I can't take it anymore..
Dont worry, I'll try to call you guys..
or visit JASMS sometime.
hehe. i'll just make teh best of my everyday in JASMS.
my last year in JASMS. wow.
I want to.. be somewhere, where I cant..
See them both. or hear a thing about them.
Call me a coward or wtv, but hu cares.
Really sorry for blowing you off guys.
I'm doing whats right for myself...

and so.. I've decided already..
and.. nothing/ no one.. can change my mind. = )
it's not his fault.
Don't blame him..
His not the reason.. "I GUESS"
oh well.. bye..

..hay...

{ I'm with you }
-_ we wiLL stiL be, Friends fOrever _-

twee. lol..
today was.. a good day for me.
and a bit tiring.
but all in all, it was worth it. : )

To start things off..
I'm now hanging out with people i dont usually talk to.
and that's a good thing for me. { new friends! hoorah! }
lol.
and every now and then, there are moments that..
Keeps me.. on. Smiling and laughing.
So yeah, that's a good start right?
Things, are startin to be okay now..
Sometimes, there are things that.. yeah..
They still hurt.
But, i dont usually.. focus on that feeling anymore.
I just ignore and erase it.
Just like that! xD haha.

hm. well, T. Bem assigned me,kristine,carlo.rafael,migs and leo.
along wiv teh other chosen HIgh school students.
to welcome the vistor by putting some "necklace" in the americans.
Our visitor was "The Friendship Force".. haha. sounds weird, ryt?
friendship force! ninja storm! hiyyyyah! *kick*
hehe..
Well, at first.. They were suppose to arrive at 10am.
but yeah, they arrived at around 10:30.. haha.
so we were having a nice conversation while waiting for them.
so.. the wait was worth while.
When they arrived. Everyone in JASMS greeted them.
A Very Warm Welcome.

So the fun starts when they arrived.
First we thought it would be boring, cause all we have to do is follow them around.
But yeah.. it was UBER FUN! haha. Soo Fun!
HER ASS was BIG people! so scary!! haha.
rafael is soo funny. xD
so yeah..
We roam around JASMS...
then when we got to the library..
We watched the rondalia club..
and T. Arman sang a Song..
Which was a heart warming song..
Then.. the most uber fun part was..!!
When. we all gathered around and sang some christmas songs wiv teh Americans.
twee! it was sooo fun! we were singing.. laughing.. dancing!
WOW.
haha.. i really had a good time.
It's been a while since i had a good time in school.
So after that.. we ate some turon and drank some sago't gulaman.
so haha. it was yummie.
Then they left already..

after that.. we had 30 mins of.. PE class.
and the rest was out.. Hand Mime practice...
weeee. it was very tiring.
coz i belong to the 2nd line.. I get to KNEEL again!
oooohh. teh pain!
haha xD

but yeah.. all in all.
today was an O.K day for me..
i had a great time with people.

toodles.

Isn't it funny?
When you try to make the best of everyday..
To show them you're HAPPY but deep inside ur still bleeding?
ye ye.. It's hard. But, i guess it's worth it.
Sometimes people would think.. It's much better to
Hide what you feel and just make out the best of today.
Or sometimes vice versa. But i wonder..
Which is better? To pretend.. or just.. Show what you feel?
I dont know either..
But, sometimes.. pretending is way more better than crying.
You know why? Especially for EMO people like me..
I get so sick and tired of crying.. and i want people to see me as a strong person.
When they're expecting me to fall from situations that are unbearable..
I would show them.. I'm here.. Standing tall. Strong. {even though i'm not}
And ofcourse for the reason so that.. I wont get to focus on the pain that i feel,
So that things would turn out well.
But..
If you try to be yourself and show to them what you really feel.
Its being.. strong too.
You're not scared to let it all out.
you're being.. TRUE to what you feel.
..but the thing is, people have different point of view.
Some think it's much better to pretend..
Some think it's better to show what you feel.
haha.. this is so difficult.

So, yeah..
I Dont know how i am right now..
I Dont know what i really feel.
I show to them i'm happy..
but yeah, sometimes.. Everything just seems to mess up.

Here ends my dabbles.
You decide on which you prefer..
"Pretend" or "Be true to what you feel."

God Bless.

Hey guys.. This is a story Leo and I made.
Hope you guys like it. xD

Yeah, here's another.. dreadful post.
I kept on posting eMo thoughts.
This prolly,is one of the most.. PAINFUL things i've been through.
I hope this will be my last.
Starting tomorrow. i'll be different.

*Sigh*
I tried my best to love you.
To show you.. I'm diffrent than her.
That i'm the one, you should love.
But those 10 months. yeah. I still feel it was..
nothing. I was.. A Failure.
Yeah, they were precious. but,
I Didn't reach my goal, I failed.again.
I Always fail.
People would take something away from me..
until i've got nothin left.
Then, I'll face another day. Alone.
With No One.
I'll start all over again..
then, what? face the same shit again?
be on the same path?
Love for me was.. i Dont know, suckish?
When i was in gr. 7.. "Anton" loved me..
yeah, i was happy.. nging kme.
But in the end, i found out he loved me just for the fact..
na he wanted to make my bestfriend jelly..
for him to know if she loves him.
sucks, ryt?
haha. i hope my life doesnt spin like this forever.

I mean.. No, I wont let that Happen.
..hay.. I tried to understand them, I'am trying to understand them.
especially now.
Yeah, I cant bear the pain right now.
I'm so shattered. broken. lifeless.
but i wont let them see the real pain i have right now.
Cause if I do. Life would be, messy.. throughout the day.
And i dont want that to happen.
You see? this is why it's so hard to trust people..
even your bestfriend. even your boyfriend.
Sometimes, you don't even know.. or expect that..
they can be the reason of ur sadness, or why u dont trust people.
Because of this. especially,
Because of wat happened to me right now..
This is reality, but nothing seems to be real anymore.
Even us. We're not real to ourselves anymore.
We're full of lies. We even betray the people we love.
Now tell me, In situations like this.. I kow i'm not the only one.
Do you think you can trust people that easy? huh?
HAHA. i dont think so.
Yeah, maybe he didnt want this.
But i tried to warn him. haha, yeah. but he never listened to me.
Look what happened now?
he's there, happy in her arms.
Happy being with her.
Now, where are all those FUCKIN PROMISES you made?
..the wind took it away. You!! took it away.
This is why its so hard to trust and its so hard to Believe.
Especially in Promises.
There are some things, that happens unexpectedly..
Things you dont want to happen. but, you've got nothin to do.
It happend Already.
That's what i wanted to tell him.
To show him.
But all he ever focused on was.. The feeling of me, not trusting him.
his attention was.. always.. me. being negative. me, not being able to TRUST him.
why did i entrusted you my heart in the first place if i dont trust you?
Dude, Im not stupid.
but with what you've done to me right now.. I feel so stupid.
Who ever said i tried to push you from her? i wouldn't feel jelly if im pushing you to her.
You sound so.. Unreasonable.
Aghh.

I dont know, things are getting worse everyday..
I feel so shitty. Betrayed. lost. mad?
hah.
But with all these negative feelings.. I know it would lead me to nowhere.
right?.. hay

Things are said and done.
And I've got nothin to do..
I cant be mad at them, although i feel like i am.
But, i just cant.
I love them both.. soo much.
Kht na.. sobrang skit na ng nararmdamn qu.
I'm trying my best.. to understand this thing.

I feel so stupid right now.
So stupid to go through this.
or so stupid to enter in a relationship.
If in the end, he would fall in love with the person whom i've been feeling jelly with.
and the person you loved in the first place.
it hurts.. pra kang.. niloko na ewan.
Na prng.. You feel, You were never good enough for him.
I mean, duh. bqt sknea ka tumatakbo pag nagkakaproblema tau?
ha? prang siya girlfriend mo.
Bqt ndi skin? You're not brave enough. to tell me what you feel.

as for me,
I dont really know..
I should just sit down, and wait for the universe to unfold as it should.

+ KILL ME +
+ YOU BETRAYED ME+

*tweeeeee*
Callalily! weeeeeee. Kean! Tatsi! LeMueL! aLdrin. bwaHaha xD
*drools*

Hey hey!
Last night, I had a thought about what happened to me for the past few months.
Well yeah, the past few months jake and I kept on.. having some misunderstanding.
Almost all the time. and i dont even know why some people got shocked when they
found out we broke up already. Some didn't find it that shocking coz of the relationship
we had for the past few months. It's always like.. "Kiss and Make Up". Some found it stupid..
hmm. well, we didnt really.. "Kiss and Make Up: ofourse. Sometimes, we talk about it. yeah.
They say i shouldn't be sad over this. Jake stopped loving me. and this is something that
should've died long ago.

Maybe they were right. They were wonderin nga kung pnu pa kme nakaabot ng 10 m0nths e.
with all the arguments.. and shit.
HaHa.. it hurts but yeah. I Should deal with it.
But yeah.. Thanks. for all the love and care.
You are My First Love, and with you..
I knew what love really is.
Through all the pain.. i've been through with you.
Thanks for standin strong and.. for helping me out.
My world revolved on you, continously..
and maybe it's time to wake up from the beautiful dream i use to dream about.
and Im here. Facing REALITY.
A Reality I can't escape..
but wait, wow.. you're still there.
haHa.. oh well, thanks for being the hero in my dream.

I'll always love you.
~gOodbye~

This Ruined Puzzle
By Dashboard Confessionals

This ruined puzzle is beige with the pieces all face down
so the placing goes slowly.
The picture's of anything other than it's meant to be.
But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said \'don't go.\'

I've hidden a note,
it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back.
It says, \'Does she ever get the boy?\'
But what if the pages stay pressed,
the chapters unfinished,
the stories too dull to unfold?
Does she ever get the boy?

This basement's a coffin.
I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
'Cause you're gone.
I get nothing
and you're off with barely a sigh.
I never said, \'Goodbye.\'

but i've hidden a note,
it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back.
It says, \'Does she ever get the boy?\'

but i've hidden a note,
it's pressed between pages that you'll read if you're so incline.
It says, \'Does she ever get the boy?\'

But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said \'don't go.\'

Does she ever get the boy?

taaw. I love this song.
hay.. My Life.. as A puzzle.
Is now.. officially. Ruined.

*sigh* its.. so hard to live..
I can't bear this pain anymore..
I dont know what to do..
all my emotions.. are like..
agh! I'm so sick and tired of this game.
I wanna quit!
but how? how to quit?
Transfer school?
agh..
I dont know either.

I feel so plastic right now..
I tell them, "Yeah, ofcourse Im happy.. why wouldnt I?"
but deep inside.
Im.. Not okay.. I was never okay..
I lie to them. so that.. everything will turn out okay.
So that me too, can be happy. Even though.. I'm not.
Yeah, Im starting to move on and let go.
But there are some things that are like, holding me back.
or sometimes it makes things WORST.
are they really this NUMB?!
or.. DUMB?
haHa.. its a mystery for me.
I can see that people are gonna be happy without me.
Who needs me anyway?
haha.
im just a tiny speck in jasms. something that doesnt really matter.
royt? *sigh*
aggggh. evaporate EMO songs.
evaporate EMO mode.
waaaaaaaaa.

With all this problems.. with all this jake ISSSUES..
that im inhaling..
I want to exhale it.. ALL of IT.
and start something new.
a NEW me.
but yeah, with this pain.. in my heart right now.
It's not that.. It's impossible.. bcoz..
Im trying to exhale every piece of it but..
ugh. i dont know.. *sigh*
yan 2l0i.. im having thoughts that..
they wanted this to happen. = (
sBgay.. kse nga.. nagmomove on na c jak kaya..
nagninika na siya..
pero..
its like..
I feel sometimes na.. "ouch.. ang sama naman nila..
tawa pa sla.. ngiti ngiti pa.."
prang.. "oy oh! ang saya namen.. magksma na kme sa wakas!
nakakapagusap na kme sa wakas! freeeeeeee!"
to be honest..
It really hurts..
uber. parang sinasaksak yung puso ko.
pero.. yeah..
Sometimes, hinahayaan ko nalang.
Wala naman nga ako mapapala kung magwala ako..
ako nanaman talo.
malamang. haha. taz magagalit nanaman sla skin..
hay.. *furck tlg*
sobrang skit na tlg..

cant take it anymore.

twee! computer!! *hugs the computer* haHa..
i've been away from the computer for 2 days i guess.
{cOmputer AdiK}
I wasnt suppose to go home last night..
but yeah, i missed the computer soo much.. and also the fone.
haha xD soo yeah.. i decided to go home nalang.

uh. so for the past few days..
it was fun naman. xD
I had a good day. = )
hanging out wiv my cuzins is fun. lol.
hahaha xD
they were turnin GAY-ish na. haha.
they were dancin like the way PCD dances. LOL.
dancing wiv the songs from PCD.
hahaHa...
Kuya John's songs sa ipod was rOckin!
yeaah! Heavy Rock and a bit eMo-ish.
bwaHaha..
it was soo loud. haHa..
well, during my stay there sa condo..
it made me remember things..
i mean. Memories. damn fucking memories.
erase.. erase. erase.
scratch every thought.
Yeah, nabalitaan ko rin na.. tumtwag siya kay nika..sometimes.
it hurts. yeah..
pero.. wla e.. la nmn me maggawa xD
hahahaha. gnyan tlg..
pero.. Starting on Monday.. magbabago na ako.
AJA!
hahaha xD

I'm so loveless right now, haha.
me? loveless. Yeah..
Actually, i dont like someone at this moment.
Seriously.
yeah.. i hate guys right now. they SUCK.
xD all of them!
bwahahah. oh well..
hmm..
I dont know but i still care about hin though.
but i had an idea na..
dpt wala na akong pakielam sknea.
Kse he's like that to me too.
ewan ko ba..
I dont know what he's trying to prove..
ang dme qu naririnig na pinaggagawa nea na has something to do with nika.
Yung suot daw nea ata na purple thing nung party ni lei.. iono. From nika daw ata eun.
then people are telling me stuffs about jake.. na.. bla bla NIKA.
yeah.. halata naman na nika na siya e.. total indenial pa siya.
DERH. action speaks louder than words!
at times like this.. i wanna slap him or kick him.. wtv.
pero inicp qu.. "nah.. it's not even woth it"
yeah.. not worth it nga.
Tutal wala narn naman ako sa buhay niya..
mukha namang masaya siya..
e di OKAY.
magpakasaya ka sa nika mo!
hahaha. xD lol.
*sob*
yeah.. eveytime this happens..
It would always make me cry..
Siguro nga he wants to make friends lang with her.. pero.
Parang siya kse mismo.. nagbibigay ng hint sa tao na..
More than friends lng.
lahat nlang kse ng.. bgay sknea halos may NIKA na.
haha. then you'd tell me im diffrent than her.
Yeah i am. haha. nag NIKA kaagad.
parang nga lumalabas na.. yung mga sinasbi nea skn dti..
KINAIN niya lang.
kung wala nga lang tlg sknea si nika..
e ano naman pinaggagawa nea ngeun?
haha. lies!
sinungaling!

grawr. nakakainis.
..bqt kailangan pa akong masaktan everytime this shit happens.
I shouldn't cry or get affected.
Siya nga.. wla ng pakelam kht anung gwin ko e..
dpt gnun rin ako db?
i mean wth?
wala naman tlg yung mickey issue na eun.
Good friend ko siya. di siya rebounder.
DUH. may micah kaya siya.
atleast ako.. wala akong.. NVM.
hay.. yoko na magsalita. wala akong mapapala.

..ngeun, nararamdaman ko na.. BALE WALA NA ako sa buhay niya..
nagiinvisible pa siya.. habang OL si nika. aMpf.
tang ina.. ang sakit.
lge nalang ganito.
aaaaggh. sana matapos na to. gusto ko na lumipat ng school.
ang manhid nea.

agggggh. *cries*
*cut mahself*
..di ko na tlg kaya.