Posted on: Saturday, August 05, 2006
Posted at: 5:00 PM
this is the part where i get c0nfuse.. hm.. i've been talkin to s0me pip0l and.. i've heard a l0t of news b0ut jakie and carla.. hay.. i've been thinkin.. is it true that jake is attracted to carla?.. i can't just jump to conclusi0ns.. c0z that w0uld be bad.. i d0nt wanna have d0ubts.. c0z that's als0 bad.. i wish.. i knew the answers.. i'll try to ask jake b0ut it and i h0pe he'll be h0nest.. guys.. y0u kn0w why this thing keeps on bugging me?.. c0z im afraid to lose jake.. im n0t reali g0od at fighting to what my heart says.. so.. im scared of losing him.. in the end of the day.. i w0uld always think.. hm.. d0 i feel that he really d0es l0ve me?.. or am i just over reacting? c0uld be. i've suddenly c0me up with an idea.. that w0rds aren't really en0ugh.. it's wat y0u d0 that matters.. n0t wat y0u say.. "acti0n speaks l0uder than w0rds" i need him to pr0ve that he's l0yal to me.. and he d0esnt have a crush on carla.. i mean.. okay.. let's just say it's ok to crush on s0me0ne.. but.. the painful part to me was. jake is the one who keeps on f0ll0wing her just like the others.. g0sh.. im over reacting again.. i d0nt think this is g0od.. i guess wat i fil ryt n0w is bad.. maybe it's n0t jake's fault.. maybe it's my fault c0z im over reacting.. well.. im lyk this c0z it's lyk.. i d0nt fiL jake l0ves me anym0re.. i d0nt kn0w why.. but its lyk.. yeah.. he's ryt there.. hoLding my hands and stuff.. but why can't i feel that he l0ves me?.. is it fading away?!.. is this the end? haish.. i made a c0mmitment that im wiLLing to bleed f0r jake.. i've als0 made a fulfillment that i f0und wat i need in him.. and im satisfied.. i'll do anything just to pr0ve him that i CARE b0ut him so much.. that im n0t having d0ubts.. it's just that im afraid of losing him.. im c0ncern that one day he might find s0meone new.. and im n0t ready f0r that at the m0ment.. c0z ryt n0w.. my heart is really open f0r him.. that my heart is really wanting him and needing him.. that i LOVE him with all that i'am.. s0metimes.. im scared na.. if they w0uld g0 0ut.. [the 3rd yr guys..] t0gether with carla.. and if ever jake w0uld c0me.. iM scared that they w0uld get cl0se bc0z 0f that.. they wiLL have b0nding and all that stuff.. but i stiL need to trust him.. or else.. this reLati0nship wiL g0 n0where.. well.. jake.. if ur reading this.. i h0pe u understand.. h0pe ur n0t mad at me.. i jUst d0nt wanna l0se y0u.. i d0nt want u being cl0se t0 an0ther girL.. hay.. -wat a seLfish th0ught- i really am s0rry.. i l0ve y0u jake.. and i d0 trust you.. plz be true to y0ur w0rds baby.. toodles..
shattered@4:59